After much deliberation I have decided to begin blogging the thoughts of a man who causes chaos where ever he goes, makes the simplest of task turn into a soap opera of epic proportions, and devastation the buzz word by just entering the room.
Yes people this is the first blog ever of The Fabricator, a man whose bad luck knows no bounds.
Atfer a wonderful weekend visiting friends up "north" (the wrong side of the Thames I "joked") I came back to my humble abode battered, hungry, hungover with a take away from my local burger establishment drive through.
Wanting to be pious after my few days of self indulgence (beer! wine! mini milks! Little chef food!) I only purchased a cheeseburger and fries. In the few years I have purchased a circular beef flavoured product with claims of being regal, it seems things have changed- namely that I was not satisfied with the amount of food that I had consumed, and wanted more, more, more!
Rummaging through my fridge I discovered a take away prawn vindaloo on the bottom shelf that I believed I had purchased the previous Wednesday.
Throwing caution, along with any notions of E-Coli, to the wind I decided to chow down on this mother like a frenzied animal, which had been shot in the buttocks by a tranquilizer dart and whose only concern was to consume as much fodder as possible before passing out and waking with their head over a farmer's fireplace. Eating over the sink in an effort to reduce any further washing up may have been one of the lowest points in my life, however I regretted nothing...until 4.27am this morning.
Trust me good people, four day old prawn curry of the very spicy variety do not keep, no matter how cold your fridge is. The early hours of Monday 18th May were spent by myself going through pain that no man, woman or marsupial should have to go through. Like bats flying out of a cave, anything that had been present in my colon over the years found its way to freedom today. I also discovered the wonderful joys of "splashback."
Luckily my weekend with my wonderful friends who not ruined, and desk time at work today has been spordic nonetheless. Praise the lord for my Blackberry as I have managed to keep abreast of my emails, and it has made a nice change come to the work place, and work away from my desk.
The week should improve.